I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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