It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
