Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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