and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
