Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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