there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
