I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
