Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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