I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
