there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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