I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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