everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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