she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
