We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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