Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
