I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
