your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
