I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
