Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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