My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
