On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
