So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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