And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
