Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
two words: eviction party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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