so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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