Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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