I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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