WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
