Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
