Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
