Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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