Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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