her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
