I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
