so that wasnt chicken after all
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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