he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
