In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
