Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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