Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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