i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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