I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
