The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
