i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My vagina is very pro this idea
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
