i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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