I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
