my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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