Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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