Christians are straight up FREAKS
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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