So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
