and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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