i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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