I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
