Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
