There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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