At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
